You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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