I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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