he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
