I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
