just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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