overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
