Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
