I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I can text with my tongue
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
