Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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