I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
