so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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