this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize