do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
