Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
