Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
