i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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