You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
