I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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