I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
