the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
