dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
