Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
