I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
