so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
