My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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