oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
