Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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