Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
