He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
