This house was built for laser tag.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
