I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
