I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
