Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I will be naked everywhere
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
