Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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