never play flip cup with pint glasses
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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