Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
