im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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