Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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