dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
