The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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