It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
