I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
