Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
