You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize