that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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