Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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