Sry I called you an 8
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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