I showed him my bush... on skype.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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