The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.