I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I didn't notice because vodka
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
