If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
