I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!