he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
