Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
only if we run a train.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
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You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
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she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!