Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.