i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
