i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
