I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm passing your future prison.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
