My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
