You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
