Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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