but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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