it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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