When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
