I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My vagina is very pro this idea
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
