I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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