your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
