I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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