So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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