We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
