so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
