Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
