Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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